Behind Black Eyes
by snapesgirl1981
Summary: Sequel to The Crush - After the tragic events of The Crush Snape and Hermione meet again five years later and this time there is much more at stake than only their happiness..
1. Prolgue

**Behind Black Eyes – Sequel to The Crush**

_By Snapesgirl1981_

Rating: R eventually so only for violence and language

Disclaimer: JK Rowling and WB own all rights. Don't sue.

Summary: After the tragic events of **_The Crush_ Snape and Hermione meet again five years later and this time there is much more at stake than only their happiness..**

Spoiler: Only general ones, you should know HP and Hogwarts but not any specifics other than Snape's history of course.

A/N: Since I was let's say talked into writing this (right Danric Lover ;) and since I have absolutely no desire to anger my readers further this is the sequel I promised. I might be working on this a while since the chapters here are going to be longer. But you should get at least a chapter a week. Reviews are definitely going to speed things up.

Note: The song used here is Behind Blue Eyes by I think The Who. Correct me if I am wrong. Took this idea from WIKTT. As always this is beta read by the lovely Rachel who is an excellent writer herself. Any wonderful phrasings are due to her input and any mistakes are purely my fault. Thanks honey.

**_Behind Blue Eyes _**

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**_No one knows what it's like_**

**_To be the bad man_**

**_To be the sad man_**

**_Behind blue (black) eyes_**

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**_No one knows what it's like_**

**_To be hated_**

**_To be fated_**

**_To telling only lies_**

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**_But my dreams_**

**_They aren't as empty_**

**_As my conscience seems to be_**

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**_I have hours, only lonely_**

**_My love is vengeance_**

**_That's never free_**

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**_No one knows what it's like_**

**_To feel these feelings_**

**_Like I do_**

**_And I blame you_**

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**_No one bites back as hard_**

**_On their anger_**

**_None of my pain and woe_**

**_Can show through_**

****

**_But my dreams_**

**_They aren't as empty_**

**_As my conscience seems to be_**

****

**_I have hours, only lonely_**

**_My love is vengeance_**

**_That's never free_**

****

**_When my fist clenches, crack it open_**

**_Before I use it and lose my cool_**

**_When I smile, tell me some bad news_**

**_Before I laugh and act like a fool_**

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**_If I swallow anything evil_**

**_Put your finger down my throat_**

**_If I shiver, please give me a blanket_**

**_Keep me warm, let me wear your coat_**

****

**_No one knows what it's like_**

**_To be the bad man_**

**_To be the sad man_**

**_Behind blue (black) eyes_**

****

Prologue

The last five years had been uneventful for Hermione Granger to say the least. She had studied at one of the few wizards' universities in England that was suited near Bath. As usual when it came to knowledge and learning she expected nothing less but perfectionism from herself and had worked most of the time either at home or in the old dusty library that reminded her so much of her times in Hogwarts. She had very little contact with her old friends from her school time- only Harry and Ron managed to stay in contact with her during her years. They had both decided to get into an education to became Aurors and were mostly at the Ministry for Magic working with people like Mad Eye Moody or Ron's brother Percy which ticked the red haired Wesley to no end.

Hermione had spend her summers either with her parents or the Weasleys who always managed to make her feel welcomed. But more often than that she travelled through the most unusual regions of the world always in search of something that would help her keep an old promise that she had made five years ago in the infirmary next to the bed of the man she loved.

She had not heard from him in the last years but had not expected to. Still it hurt, more so than ever, because she missed him so much at night when she lay in her bed and thrashed around in her sheets. She rarely slept more than five hours a night mostly out of frustration that even the most enthusiastic research hadn't brought her one step further. Oh, she knew now all the ways NOT to do it but it seemed there just wasn't a way to restore sight if it was taken with a curse. The only bright moment had been when she had found a potion to heal his wrongly placed knuckles and bones in his hands. It hadn't been easy to find this ancient potion that wasn't used any longer since some of the ingredients were forbidden these days but she had still managed to brew one and instantly send Harry to Albus Dumbledore's office to hand over the potion. The headmaster had not spoken to her since then and she had no idea if he had even handed the vile to him.

Severus.

How she missed him. His wonderful dark eyes that had the power to make her feel all kinds of emotions just by looking at her in a certain way. The wonderful voice, dark and sonore, which had made all her friends tremble in potion classes but that had once whispered her name so tenderly. Even his biting sarcasm and the venom he could so easily drop, the cruelty in which he used to break people, had indeed broke her. He was not a bright heroic knight in shining armour but he was the dark broody Ex-Death Eater that had so easily risked his life on numerous times to spy for Albus' Order of the Phoenix but yet had never managed to say one good thing about a Gryffindor. He was full of contradictions and seemed to be a walking mystery but she longed so much to just see him for once that she cried into her pillow at nights until she fell asleep with exhaustion.

But she had promised him she would respect his wishes and stay away from him until he called her. And he never had in all those years, in all those lonely nights. Maybe that hurt the most. Always she had kept the hope alive that he would one day come and sweep her away in a tender embrace but then he was Severus Snape. It was not in his nature to admit a mistake and he would rather die alone than ever remark that he needed her. He was a Syltherin after all.

Getting up from the station bench Hermione heaved her small backpack on her shoulders and began to walk towards the wall dividing platforms nine and ten. It was the only way to reach platform 9 ¾ after all and if she wanted to board the Hogwarts Express she had to go there. Looking around her quickly she casually stepped through the brick wall and instantly was surrounded by children in all kinds of robes. There was shouting and every now and then somebody bumped into her mumbling a quick sorry and rushing on. Chuckling she remembered the first time she had been here and had boarded the Hogwarts Express with probably as much trepidation as some of these kids. 

"It's a strange feeling isn't it?" 

Turning around she heard the familiar voice of Minerva McGonagall, Head of Gryffindor and Professor of Transformation. She almost looked the same only some more grey in her otherwise brown hair.

"Welcome back Hermione!" The smile was sincere and after some hesitation she hugged the still frail girl.

"Thank you Professor."

The older woman raised her hand. "Please, you are now a part of the faculty and I insist on Minerva."

Hermione nodded and looked at the slowly clearing platform. It was almost time. 

"You are ready Hermione?" Mivera's eyes behind her glasses were full of sympathy.

No matter what he would say or think she was welcomed in Hogwarts. There were people she knew, people she cared for and who cared for her.

A short nod later they stepped into the train and with screeching engines and some horns blowing the Express left London towards Hogwarts.

A/N:  I have no idea where I am going with this but this time she is in a whole different situation with dear old Severus. Hope you are all back and start the ride with me. If you have the chance listen to the song once- it's pretty good.


	2. Chapter One

**Behind Black Eyes – Part One**

A/N: Just so that you know- having to describe Snape like this hurt but there is improvement somewhere on the horizon. I say it again: Personally for me Snape has some lessons left to learn and he can only do so if he is trapped in a situation where he is forced to.

The Great Hall was again decorated in all the houses' colours and the ceiling as usual was hexed to look like the night sky with softly glowing candles bathing the room in an orange shimmer- of course they were hovering in the air. Hermione was experiencing a strange feeling of apprehension which had nothing to do with the fact that Professor Severus Snape was not yet sitting at the Head Table. It was more the memory of the first evening she had stepped into these halls without knowing where that would lead her in her life.

Looking around she saw some faces that were still know to her- and some weren't. Madame Houch was sitting next to Fleur Delacour and they were obviously deep into an interesting conversation. She knew Professor Flitwick, the small old Professor, who was teaching Charms at Hogwarts. Albus Dumbledore had already told her that Fleur was new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher. No doubt Severus wouldn't like that. This was the first year were he was able to return to his position as Potion Master. He had to wait until his hands were back to old strength and dexterity and that taken another year after he had gotten her potion. He wouldn't like either that Hermione was to assist him in his position as teacher taking over half of his classes and grading the assignments. He had probably only accepted when Dumbledore had made it very clear that this was the only way to get his teacher position back- she had never talked to Dumbledore about that.

Again she wondered where the man was. Almost all students were in the hall so far and they were only waiting for the first-years who were standing outside with Minerva waiting for their Sorting. When she heard whispers among the students it made her frown. Nobody had ever liked Professor Snape but at least his Slytherins had respected him. But it seemed especially the table on the far right was heavily engaged in a discussion why they still had 'this cripple' as Head of House. 

_Probably because Severus is the only one putting up with you._

And Hermione was not even sure there was another Slytherin professor teaching at Hogwarts. But still these remarks angered her more than she could explain. They were only children, and Slytherins at that. But she didn't want to think about what he must feel when he heard those insults.

She discovered movement behind her and turned her head around to see what all the commotion meant. Soon she saw what or better who it was. Behind the table a door opened and the tall, pale figure of Severus Snape stepped into the room using an old stick as a walking help. Hagrid was next to him and guided him to his chair. She saw the miserable look on the half giants face and the sincere gratitude that shortly flickered over Professor Snape's face. But then the mask of ice was back and even something like a bored sneer was appearing on his face.

He still looked pretty much like he always had. His dark hair was still looking like he rarely washed it but was now in a ponytail. His face had deeper lines than she remembered and he looked like he had lost considerable weight. He leaned the wooden stick against the table and crossed his arms in front of his chest clearly hearing what the Slytherin table still was talking about. He even managed to glare in their general direction but the effect was lost since he couldn't see who it was in person.

When she looked around she saw several faces that clearly expressed their unwillingness to help the blind potion master. Only Dumbledore shortly glanced into his direction but didn't say anything.

Determined to do something about the noisy Slytherins as soon as the sorting was over she leaned back acutely aware that the man she had dreamed about the last five years was only sitting some meters away. If she concentrated really hard enough, she could almost smell his scent containing the dust from the dungeons but also some herbs that she hadn't yet identified. She was almost sure it was what he used as a shower gel but had never found out.

_How? He never let you set a foot into his bathroom._

Chasing these thoughts away she tried to concentrate on the sorting ceremony taking place in front of her. She had already missed the singing part where the sorting hat sang about all the houses and what characterized them. But she had heard this so many times and there simply wasn't much more to say. With a quick look she realized that they were almost finished with the sorting. The last one sorted was a small plump boy that went to Hufflepuff. Applauding politely she waited for the thing that always happened before the feast began- Albus Dumbledore held his welcoming speech and then conjured the food.

"Dear Students, dear fellow Professors, welcome back to Hogwarts for the new year! Let's hope that despite all the dangers hanging above our heads that we will have a good year without any trouble. I have a few announcements to make first so: First of all I want to remember all of you and especially the new students that none of you is allowed to be in the Forbidden Forest. Secondly we have a few faculty changes to announce. We are all very happy that Professor Snape has recovered enough to start teaching potion class again. As you all knew our Defence against the Dark Arts teacher has sadly left us after the last term and Miss Fleur Delacour is the newest addition to our staff. Please welcome them both to Hogwarts!" 

There was some polite clapping and even some cheering that surely was for the veela from some boys. Snape's face remained impassive.

"Another teacher and former student will assist Professor Snape in his position and grading the papers so please welcome Ms Hermione Granger!"

Two things happened in this moment on top of the clapping sounds that were heard. Fleur looked into her direction and a strange hostile expression crossed her face that Hermione couldn't explain. The second really drew her attention. She had expected Dumbledore to tell Severus that she was his assistant but obviously he hadn't. Snape's face had gotten even paler and he frantically looked around. Somewhere in the background she heard Dumbledore start the feast but with a quick step she was at Severus side. Smiling politely at Professor Trelawney, her former Divination teacher, she asked if maybe they could exchange places. After some hesitation the small woman agreed and within seconds she was sitting next to Severus Snape.

Carefully she placed her hand over his stilling the trembling.

"I thought Dumbledore had told you or I would have done so myself. I am sorry."

He could only nod obviously still in shock. 

"It's good to see that you have your potion class back." She tried to get him to talk with her but again he only nodded. It worried her quite a bit.

Albus Dumbledore was now looking into their direction and came over when he saw the obvious distress Hermione was in.

"Is everything alright? Severus?" He sounded genuinely concerned.

Still gripping the potion master's hand, Hermione smiled tentatively.

"I think it was quite a surprise for Professor Snape that I am his new assistant."

"I thought you would rather tell him the good news yourself." Albus still smiled. "But if you feel the need to you can go somewhere else and I get the house elves to bring you something there."

After a short glance in the still stony face of Snape Hermione nodded. 

"I think we do that. Thank you Professor."

He raised his hand. "Please Hermione, you are now a member of our staff. It's Albus from now on." With that he left them and returned to his seat.

"Severus?" After a second she got a reaction. He looked into her direction.

"Yes." The voice was husky and sounded as if he hadn't used it much over the last years. It was still the most amazing sound she had ever heard.

"Do you want to go to your dungeon and talk there? We can have something to eat as well."

This time when he nodded a short smile flickered over his face and for the first time today she felt at home. Slowly they got up, mumbled an apology for the other teachers and descended the stair into the hall. When the passed the Slytherin table, loud snickers could be heard.

"Look, the cripple has a new nurse." It was a tall brunette boy that began to remind her of Draco Malfoy. He looked into her direction and Hermione was shocked when Snape seemed to ignore it. He was Head of their house! Such behaviour was impossible towards any member of the faculty but against you own Head of House? 

Stopping in her tracks Hermione turned towards the boy and smiled in a way that made blood freeze in your veins. She had paid attention when Snape dealt with his Slytherins.

"And you are?" Her voice sounded stern and calm with a warning swinging in it.

"Steven McKenzie." His attitude was different now. She began to understand how it had come to this. 

"Well Mr McKenzie, you may not know it right now but at Hogwarts at least during my time here we treated our teachers with respect. However I don't have to remind you that Professor Snape is not only a brilliant potion master but Head of your House. If I ever hear such a word like cripple from any of you again, I have to make sure that Hagrid gets some help with some of his creatures. I am sure he can use it. They have the tendency to get quite nasty I can assure you." She raised her voice so that the whole hall could hear her. Conversation everywhere had stopped. "That goes for all of you by the way. Respect is a value we all should treasure."

Turning around to the brunette Slytherin who looked shocked she sneered. Indeed Snape had been a good teacher.

"And I think the school year has already started Mr McKenzie, hasn't it?"

He nodded glumly.

"I will deduct twenty points from Slytherin for disrespectful behaviour towards a teacher. There will be more if that doesn't stop. Are we clear?"

The whole table nodded and with a tender smile towards Snape she left the room leaving a stunned student crowd and a smiling headmaster.

  


	3. Chapter Two

**Behind Black Eyes – Part Two**

A/N: Thank you again for the nice and encouraging feedback. Some of you mentioned Dumbledore's 'mistake'- well you'll see about that. I highly doubt that the headmaster had simply forgotten to tell Severus. Maybe he wanted Hermione to notice his reaction, maybe he had other reasons. I rather try to write another chapter right now or get at least started- it's after midnight already and I want to get some sleep later. This might be a bit shorter than usual.

Severus living chambers looked differently than she remembered. It was a bit more colourful and Hermione had a strange feeling that some of the house elves who helped him felt that the room could do with some more bright colours. It meant that now next to the almost pure black of the room there was a bright yellow rose in a violet glass vase- judging from the wild colour mixture she had a good guess that it was Dobby's work. 

In his room Severus showed excellent orientation, never missing one step and he seemed to know exactly where his furniture stood. He walked straight to one of the arm chairs in front of the chimney and with a simple incarnation some flames began to flicker. Sitting down heavily he leaned his head against the soft fabric of the fluffy chair and closed his eyes. He looked exhausted and now in the quick change of shadows and light Hermione saw how much indeed he had changed. The lines were deeper, more pronounced than ever during her school time and the colour of his skin looked ever more corpse-like than ever. Now that he had his hair out of his face it looked even more like a vampire's face- he was horribly thin with some bones even showing under the pale skin. 

Still he was the most attractive man she had ever seen. Somewhere in her chest her heart constricted.

"Are you looking at me?" His voice sounded silken as always.

"Yes. Do you mind?" 

"No." He paused and then one brow rose slightly. "That is if I am not too unpleasant for you eyes. I am sure I look like a monster." It sounded matter of fact almost as if he had resigned to this verdict.

Again she felt her anger rising in her chest. Who had done this to the proud potions master? Who had made him turn into this broken shell who obviously believed he had no value whatsoever.

"You look terrific- as always." Stepping next to him and gently stroking her fingers over his face she placed her mouth next to his ear- the way he had always done it in potion class to get an effect. "How could you look anything else?"

He tensed. "Why are you here Hermione? What do you want from me?" He sounded almost scared of the answer.

For a moment she was confused, didn't understand. But then comprehension dawned. There was one word missing. _Now. What do you want now? After all these years._

"You sent me away Severus. I left because you were too angry to even bother to have me around. Too angry to even listen to what I had to say."

He tensed up- his body seemed to stiffen and he looked in her direction. His eyes looked maybe a bit unfocused but other than that almost like they had so many years ago.

"I sent you away because I was depressed Hermione. You may not believe this but being deprived of my sight was a severe blow for me. I had nothing any longer- no position as potion master or spy. I was lucky Dumbledore let me keep my position as Head of Slytherin."

Angrily she stepped away from him.

"And look how you let them treat you! They call you cripple and you let them. They insult you and you let them. There was a time when even looking at you the wrong way would have meant a detention. Why do you let them treat you like this?"

For a moment he stared at the place she had just been. Then almost in a whisper he breathed a sentence.

"Because I think the same." Slowly he turned to the fire again and stared into the flames. "Because somewhere inside I know that they are right. Because I always hated incompetent people and now I am myself not even able to dress on my own. I am a cripple Hermione- why should I deduct for stating facts."

She shook her head stubbornly. "No, there was a time when you would have never allowed something like that. It's a question of respect Severus and I will not stand by and watch these little boys, who can be lucky if one day they turn out half as competent as you, insult you." She saw his clenched fists and knelt down next to him. "And you are NOT a cripple." Softly cupping his cheek she put a soft kiss on his chubby skin. 

For a moment there was an almost uncomfortable silence. She somehow knew that he wasn't ready for anything else tonight. 

"What do you think about if we order some food from the kitchen and talk about the potion class?" 

After a second he nodded. Before she could say anything else he spoke softly.

"Thank you."

Gently smiling she decided that it was a good start.

"You are welcome."

_[And I am not ready for anymore writing tonight, sorry guys but it's late and this is what I have. I try to write something more tomorrow. And yes there is going to be snogging. Poor Severus needs some taking care of him but never worry- the softening is temporarily. The evil mean sneering Snape is back soon. I miss him too much I guess.]_


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